Untold Stories
When I share the mission of Already Strong, people ask why I started it. Instantly, I have this fear response and take a deep breathe before I begin. Over time, sharing my personal experiences of sexual violence has become taxing, and I thought why not make a video to explain these experiences and exactly what Already Strong has to offer. Selfishly, giving me the added benefit of not having to retell my story, I send people to the video, where that Katie will tell you about her personal experience. The video ends and more often than not an amazing, yet awful event takes place. The viewer of the video looks up at me, tears in their eyes, and begins to share their story or that of a loved one.
Six months into Already Strong, I have met so many people who have shared their personal stories and have learned that even years after, this horrible experience continues to affect our lives everyday. Sometimes, it is the first time the person has shared with anyone what happened; other times, the person discloses they can count on one hand how many people know their story. I have also encountered other survivors, who feel as if they can’t share their story and feel anger towards those who are able to share their stories. This response made me think about the first time I shared my story with others.
Two days after my rape my life felt like it was on a conveyor belt. Each item that passed was a task that I needed to complete in order to function. If I didn’t have others holding me accountable, I would have let the items pass by untouched. I didn’t know it, but I was experiencing shock. Two friends who had been with me moments before this all occurred, pushed me to share my story with the rest of our lacrosse team that we had gone out with the night that I was assaulted. Through their encouragement, and in spite of my own hesitation, I shared my story and instantly regretted it. I told it for the sake of everyone else, to tell a tale of caution and not to help myself. A tale of caution about sexual assault does not exist. We can not save anyone from an act of sexual violence. It is in marriages, friendships and deep within families. Sharing is not always the best option for healing, safety or comfort. Survivors should not have to feel like they owe anyone anything.
Please, if your friend tells you what happened, do not encourage them to do anything, let alone tell their story. There are many survivors who cannot share their story, who do not have to share their story, and should not feel like they have to share their story to be a survivor. In fact, the video that looks further in depth into my personal experiences and the creation of Already Strong, is only part of my story. I know that I can’t share the details of my childhood encounters or the subsequent events that took place into my early adulthood.
Survivors who share their story and survivors who cannot, or choose not too, deserve equal understanding and respect. As a survivor of sexual assault, whether you speak up about your experience or remain silent, you are Already Strong.